One Liner Halloween Jokes

List of quotes to use from shows, movies, etc.

I love coming up with cheesy quotes from shows and movies to put in cards and emails. Life goes so quick but it is still a good idea to put together a nice quotes list. Here are some One Liner Halloween Jokes items I have now:

• What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween? I don’t know. What? Candy corneas.
• What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
• “Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
• Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
• Where do ghosts like to trick-or-treat? Dead ends.
• Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
• What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? His house was repossessed.
• Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
• What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
• The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you’re not will lead to a sweet reward.
• Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centres.
• What is a witch’s favourite class? Spelling.
  
• What’s a ghost’s favourite dessert? I scream.
• When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
• I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s Election night.
• What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.
• Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
• How do you make a skeleton laugh? Tickle his funny bone.
• Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos.
• I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I’m dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.
• I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
• Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost (goes).
• My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume, she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
• What do you call wood when it’s scared? I don’t know. Petrified!
• What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
• How do you write a book about halloween? With a ghostwriter.
• What’s a nice ghoul like you doing in a crypt like this?
• For Halloween we dressed up as almonds. Everyone could tell we were nuts.
• What do birds say on Halloween? Twick or tweet.
• Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom? He had no body to go with.
• What do you call a cheesy halloween dance? The muenster mash!
• What do the movies Halloween and Shrek have in common? Michael Myers!
• How can you tell that vampires love baseball? They turn into bats every night.
• I have won first place in this Halloween costume contest 16 years in a row. This year I am dressed as a hotdog. I’m on a roll.
• Where does Dracula keep his money? In a blood bank.
  
• What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
• What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? Pillowcases.
• What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
• What do ghosts serve for dessert? I Scream.
• What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
• This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
• Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
• I’m going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do… by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely, Michael Myers
• What do mummies listen to on Halloween? Wrap music.
• For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers