American Pie Quotes

List of quotes to use from shows and movies

I love coming up with cheesy quotes from shows and movies to put in cards and emails. Life goes so quick but it is still a good idea to put together a nice quotes list. Here are some American Pie quotes items I have now:

Jim’s Dad: I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of[hesitates] masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud.[pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.

Steve Stifler: I say, why don’t you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and f***ing *use* them!

Michelle: Oh! And this one time… at band camp… I stuck a flute in my pussy!
Jim: [taking a drink then realizes what she said and spits it out] Excuse me?
Michelle: What? You think I don’t know how to get myself off? Hell, that’s what half of band camp is… sex-ed. So are we gonna screw soon, ‘cuz I’m getting kind of antsy!

Kevin: If Sherman has sex before I do, I’m gonna be really pissed.

Jim Levinstein: Sherman? The Sherminator? [both laugh]

Jim Levinstein: God, let this be it.

Michelle Flaherty: whats my name say my name bitch

Jim Levinstein: michelle michelle

Jim Levinstein: She’s gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!

Jim Levenstein: You realize we’re all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.

Steve Stiffler: I say, why don’t you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking use them!

Steve Stiffler: I’ll see you guys tonight, in the “No Fucking Section”, right?

Steve Stifler: She called me and asked for my number.

Jim’s Mom: ill have to admit i did a fair bit of masturbating when i was a little younger i used to call it strokeing the salami yeah you know pounding the old pud i never did it with baked goods though but you uncle mort he pets the one eyed snake 5 -6 times a day

Jim’s Dad: I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates]

Jim’s Dad: …masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause]

Jim’s Dad: I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.

Jim Levinstein: guys uh what exactly does thrid base feel like

Kevin: you wanna take this one

Steve Stifler: i say why dont you guys locate your dicks remove the shrink rap and fucking use them

Steve Stifler: I say, why don’t you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking *use* them!

Steve Stifler: she called me and asked for my number

Finch: god bless the internet

Oz: Friends call me Nova as in Casanova.

Jim Levinstein: I would like to make an announcement. There is a gorgeous woman masturbating on my bed.

Jessica: It’s not a space shuttle launch, it’s SEX.

Jim Levinstein: Did you see the Little Mermaid on TV the other night?

Oz: No.

Jim Levinstein: That Ariel, man, she’s so hot!

Sherman: I’m a sophisticated sex robot, sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady.

Steve Stifler: I’ll see you guys tonight, in the “No Fucking Section”, right?

Michelle Flaherty: What’s my name? Say my name, bitch!

Jim Levinstein: Michelle! Michelle.

Jim Levinstein: She’s gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!

Oz: Suck me, beautiful.

Jim’s Dad: Looks like a tropical jungle plant

Vicky: (moaning) I’m coming! I’m coming!

Jim’s Dad: we’ll just tell your mother we ate it all.

Chuck Sherman: I am The Sherminator. I’m a sophisticated sex robot sent back through time, to change the future for one lucky lady.

Coach Marshall: I don’t want any of you boys thinking that you’re gonna score. You don’t score, until you score!

Finch: God bless the Internet.

Garage Band Member: Go trig boy, it’s your birthday.

Chris “Oz” Ostreicher: Suck me, beautiful.
College Girl: What did you just say?
Chris “Oz” Ostreicher: Suck me, beautiful!
[girl laughs]
Chris “Oz” Ostreicher: My friends call me Nova…as in Casanova.
College Girl: That’s pathetic!
Chris “Oz” Ostreicher: Jeez, you don’t have to laugh at me.

Chris “Oz” Ostreicher: [On being sensitive] All you got to do is to ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
Steve Stifler: I dunno man, sounds like a lot of work!

Finch: You have anything to drink?
Stifler’s Mom: I believe the kegs are upstairs.
Finch: That is what the cretins drink. I’m talking about alcohol, liquor…the good stuff.
Stifler’s Mom: I’ve got some scotch.
Finch: Single malt?
Stifler’s Mom: Aged eighteen years. The way I like it.

Jessica: You’ve never had an orgasm? Not even manually?
Vicky: I’ve never tried it.
Jessica: You’ve never double-clicked your mouse?

Jim’s Dad: [talking about masturbation] It’s like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it’s not a game.
Jim: Right.
Jim’s Dad: It’s not a game.
Jim: No.
Jim’s Dad: What you want is a partner to return the ball. You want a partner, don’t you, son?
Jim: Oh yeah, Dad. I want a partner.
Jim’s Dad: Good. Good. That’s very good.

Kevin: If Sherman has sex before I do, I’m gonna be really pissed.
Jim: Sherman? The Sherminator? [both laugh]

Kevin: Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny.
Jim: [imitating dubbed martial-arts dialogue] Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style kung fu will defeat it!
Kevin: Guys.
Chris “Oz” Ostreicher: The Shaolin masters of East and West must unite! Fight! And find out who is number one!
Kevin: Guys! I’m serious!

Kevin: [after Stifler drinks the tainted beer] Hey Stifler, how’s the man chowder? (‘pale ale’ in TV edit)
Steve Stifler: **** you!

Kevin: [watching Jim and Nadia over the Internet] Oh he’s pullin’ out the porn.
Finch: He’s desperate. Jim, just wait till she leaves.

Jim’s Dad: I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates] masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.

Oz: you ask them questions and listen to what they have to say and shit

Steve Stifler: i dunno man that sounds like a lot of work

Jim Levinstein: you realize were all going to college as virgins right they probably have special dorms for people like us

Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Chris “Oz” Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie.
Jim: Yeah?
Chris “Oz” Ostreicher: Yeah.
Jim: Apple pie, huh?
Chris “Oz” Ostreicher: Uh huh.
Jim: McDonald’s or homemade?