List of one liners to use from life, shows and movies

I love coming up with cheesy quotes from shows and movies to put in cards and emails. Life goes so quick but it is still a good idea to put together a nice one liners list. Here are some Bartender Jokes liners items I have now:

• Why did the tomato turn to the bartender? It wanted to ketchup.
• A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, Hey, we have a drink named after you. The grasshopper says, You have a drink named Steve?
• Why did the bartender carry a ladder? In case someone ordered a tall drink.
• I asked the bartender for a double entendre, so he gave me one.
  
• I asked the bartender for a drink, and he handed me a picture of my wife. I said, What's this? He replied, It's a shot of Absolut.
• What do you call a group of musical bartenders? A barbershop quartini.
• What did the bartender say to the glass of water? You're just my type—on the rocks.
• How do you know if a bartender is a vampire? He keeps asking for a Bloody Mary.
• Why was the math book sad at the bar? It had too many problems.
• How did the bartender win the race? He knew all the shortcuts.
• Why did the bartender bring a ladder to work? Because the drinks were on the house.
• I asked the bartender if he had any non-alcoholic drinks. He replied, Yes, we call them 'water.'
• What's a bartender's favorite exercise? The pour-tercise.
• Why did the bartender become an archaeologist? He loved digging up old spirits.
• Why did the bartender become an artist? Because he wanted to mix things up.
• How do bartenders greet each other? High spirits!
• The bartender said, We don't serve time travelers in here. A time traveler walks into a bar.
• Why did the scarecrow become a bartender? Because he was outstanding in his field.
• Why did the scarecrow become a bartender? He was outstanding in his field.
  
• Why did the bartender start a gardening business? He wanted to raise the bar.
• How do you know when you're at a fancy bar? The bartender asks, On the rocks or on your head?
• Why did the bartender become a chef? He wanted to mix things up in the kitchen.
• Why did the bartender give a prune a drink? Because it was a wrinkled old fruit.
• A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender replies, Sorry, but I'm all out of alcohol. You'll have to go somewhere else and wine about it.
• Why did the bartender start a rock band? He wanted to serve up some good spirits.
• What did the bartender say to the horse that walked into the bar? Why the long face? Want a drink?
• Why did the bartender become an astronaut? He wanted to explore new cocktail recipes in outer space.
• What do you call a bear behind the bar? The barbearian.
• What did the bartender say when a pirate walked into the bar with a steering wheel in his pants? Arrr, it looks like you've got a problem with your ship.
• Why don't bartenders ever get in trouble? They always know how to handle the situation.
• I asked the bartender if he had any Wi-Fi. He said, Sorry, we only have spirits and mixers.
• How do you spot a bartender at a wedding? They're the ones giving out shots of advice.
• What did the grape say to the bartender? You can squeeze me a drink, but please don't wine about it.
• I asked the bartender for a cocktail umbrella, and he said, Sorry, but you'll have to leaf that up to me.
• Why did the bartender become an archaeologist? He wanted to explore his old fashions.
  
• Why did the bartender become a racecar driver? He loved going at top speed and serving up drinks on the rocks.
• Why did the bartender become a lawyer? Because he always wanted to pass the bar.
• Why did the bartender become an artist? He wanted to mix things up.
• What did the bartender say to the sandwich? Sorry, we don't serve food here.
• Why did the scarecrow become a great bartender? He was outstanding in his field and mastered the art of pouring people drinks.
• Why did the bartender become a doctor? He wanted to cure everyone's cocktail problems.
• I told the bartender I wanted a whiskey and soda, but he said, Sorry, we only serve spirits, not ghosts.
• What did the bartender say to the beer that didn't want to be poured? You've got a bad attitude, brew.
• Why did the bartender become a beekeeper? He wanted to make a buzz in the industry.
• Why did the bartender go broke? He couldn't keep his spirits up.
  
• A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a punch. The bartender says, Sure, I'll serve you, but I have to warn you... I'm a heavyweight!
• The bartender refused to serve me a beer because he said I didn't have enough class. I told him, That's why I'm trying to get a drink!
• Why did the tomato turn red at the bar? It saw the salad dressing.
• What do you call a bartender with a hammer? A mixologist.
• Why did the bartender bring a ladder to work? Because he heard the drinks were on the house.