Here are some great one-liners for you to enjoy.

List of quotes to use from shows, movies, etc.

I love coming up with cheesy quotes from shows and movies to put in cards and emails. Life goes so quick but it is still a good idea to put together a nice quotes list. Here are some One Liner Question Jokes items I have now:

• If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
• What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
• What do you get when you cross a Pit Bull with a Collie? A dog that runs for help ... after it bites your leg off.
• If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
• Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
• Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
• If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called, "Holes"?
• What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
• If horrific means to make horrible, doesn't terrific mean to make terrible?
  
• A bear walks into a restaurant and say’s “I want a grilllllled………………………………………cheese.” The waiter says “Whats with the pause?” The bear replies “Whaddya mean, I’M A BEAR.”
• What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
• What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.
• How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
• Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise.
• Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
• "I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do." is the longest sentence?
• What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? Dam"
• The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.”
• Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
• What is a zebra? 25 sizes larger than an "A" bra.
• Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
  
• What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
• What do you call bears with no ears? B
• Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
• What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
• How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
• I went in to a pet shop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?” The guy said, “Do you want an aquarium?” I said, “I don’t care what star sign it is.”
• What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
• What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything.”
• I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?
• Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
• If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
• Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
• Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies! Why aren’t koalas actual bears? The don’t meet the koalafications.
• What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic? Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
• What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.
• What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
• Why dont blind people skydive? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.
  
• Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
• A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
• I saw a wino eating grapes. I told him, you gotta wait.
• What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.
• Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
• Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
• Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.
• You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
• Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

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