Here are some great quotes for you to enjoy.

List of quotes to use from shows and movies

I love coming up with cheesy quotes from shows and movies to put in cards and emails. Life goes so quick but it is still a good idea to put together a nice quotes list. Here are some Aging One Liners quotes items I have now:

• Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
• All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
• You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
• We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. Will Rogers
• It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
• Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
  
• True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. Kurt Vonnegut
• Talk about getting old. I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. Joan Rivers
• I am pushing sixty… that is enough exercise for me.
• Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
• How young can you die of old age? Steven Wright
• Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
• There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine. P.G. Wodehouse
• The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. Jerry M. Wright
• When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All-Bran?
• When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
• If all is not lost, where is it?
• You ever drive around with an old person who knows where everything didn't used to be?
• You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.” Jerry Seinfeld
• An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. Agatha Christie
• I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. Andy Rooney
• I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants, but he's still making fun of me.
• When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra. Will Rogers
• People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my 87th birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit. George Burns
• I’m throwing as hard as I ever did, but the ball is just not getting there as fast.
• Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. George Burns
• As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am. Erma Bombeck
• I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet. Rita Rudner
  
• When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
• When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
• I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.
• Middle age is when you still believe you’ll feel better in the morning. Bob Hope
• At my age, flowers scare me. George Burns
• She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
• I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.
• The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.
• The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
• By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. Billy Crystal
• It's hard to make a comeback, especially when you haven't been anywhere.
• My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. Rita Rudner
• It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen
• The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.Erma Bombeck
• He’s so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. George Burns
• Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.
• The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
• Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70 years old.
• Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age — as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller
• I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do. Phyllis Diller
• At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?
• True friends stab you in the front.
  
• A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
• Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. Author Unknown
• Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse.
• When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. George Burns
• Looking 50 is great if you’re 60. Joan Rivers
• A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
• I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
• I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work...I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen
• I’m so old they’ve canceled my blood type. Bob Hope
• It's not the pace of life that concerns me; it's the sudden stop at the end.
• I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. Rodney Dangerfield
• I started out with nothing ... I still have most of it.
• People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow. Erma Bombeck
• I grew a beard thinking it would say "Distinguished Gentleman." Instead, turns out it says, "Senior Discount, Please!"
• A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘“At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.” Claude Pepper
• So far, this is the oldest I’ve been. George Carlin
  
• Bob Hope
• Your best friends are those who speak well of you behind your back.
• There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. John Mortimer
• You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. Woody Allen
• The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid; girls got pinned, not nailed.