Here are some great quotes for you to enjoy.

List of quotes to use from shows and movies

I love coming up with cheesy quotes from shows and movies to put in cards and emails. Life goes so quick but it is still a good idea to put together a nice quotes list. Here are some Bad One Liners items I have now:

• I was thinking about moving to Moscow but there is no point Russian into things.
• I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer they came… And then it hit me!
• I’ve deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone.
• What do sprinters eat before a race?
• Why do crabs never give to charity?
• What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland?
• It’s something I could really see myself doing.
• How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
• The Past, The Present and The Future walked into a bar.
• Because they’re shellfish.
• The doctor replies, “Because I’m trying to examine you”
  
• Free of charge.
• I used to go fishing with Skrillex. But he kept dropping the bass.
• He says, “Uno, dos…” and then *poof*. He disappeared without a tres!
• I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been trippin’ all day.
• Why do birds fly south for the winter ? Because it's to far to walk.
• I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have grater problems.
• Why did the scientist install a knocker on his front door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!
• Because the chicken joke wasn’t invented yet.
• People are making apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow.
• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
• Jokes about menstruation just aren’t funny.
• Did you hear about the Italian Chef that died?
• Gimme a pizza that.
• I’m glad I know sign language. It can come in pretty handy!
• Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?
• Q. Who's the most popular girl? A. She 's the one who can eat the last two doughnuts.
• How do you make holy water?
• Period.
• Now it’s Hans free.
  
• A hooker walks into the bank to put some recently acquired diamond earrings in her safety deposit box. The banker says to her "Ma'am I happen to know something about jewelry and those aren't real diamonds." "Oh my god" screams the hooker "I've been raped"
• I went to the doctor today and he told me I had type A blood but it was a type O.
• Looks tasty.
• A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes!
• If you’re struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas.
• In case he gets a hole in one!
• What can Woody Allen do that the New York Rangers can't? Woody Allen can score before the first period.
• How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive" ? Olive? Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"
• How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
• The guardians of the galaxy!
• I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
• My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!
• Roberto
• Because people are dying to get in.
• A barber.
• What’s Forest Gump’s Facebook password?
• No?
• A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3.
• Why do prostitutes make more money than drug dealers? A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
• Well, well, well.
• She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.
  
• Kara-tea.
• I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer.
• Two egotists started a fight. It was an I for an I!
• It was tense.
• Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.
• Nothing, they fast.
• What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.
• There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
• José and Hose B.
• A termite walks into a bar and asks “Is the bar tender here?”
• I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.
• What do you call an overweight psychic? A four-chin teller!
• What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
• I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning… But I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow!
• You boil the hell out of it.
• Have you heard about the bulemic stripper? The cake comes out of her!
• Without geometry life is pointless.
• Q. Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? A. He's the one who can carry two pots of coffee and a dozen doughnuts.
• Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
• I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
• What's the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
• A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him, “You need to stop masturbating.”
• I gave all my dead batteries away today.
• He pasta way.
• 1forest1.
• What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe?
  
• Cashier in the grocery: “Would you like the milk in a bag”?
• Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
• Well, the flag is a big plus.
• I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
• Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
• Why did the pervert cross the road? He was stuck to the chicken!
• The man asks, “Why?”
• Why are there fences around a graveyard?
• A frog says, ‘Ribbit, ribbit’ and a horny toad says, ‘Rub it, rub it.
• Man: “No, just leave it in the carton”.
• What do you call a Mexican man leaving the hospital? Manuel
• You hear the one about the three holes in the ground filled with water?
• What is the Karate experts favorite beverage?