Here are some great quotes for you to enjoy.

List of quotes to use from shows and movies

I love coming up with cheesy quotes from shows and movies to put in cards and emails. Life goes so quick but it is still a good idea to put together a nice quotes list. Here are some Funny Dating One Liners items I have now:

• I’m not saying I’m the type you can take home to your mom, but I’m definitely the type you can take home. Please do, actually, I’m homeless.
• My love for you is like dividing by zero - it cannot be defined.
• I’ve thought it over, and I’m okay with you keeping our yet-to-be-conceived baby.
• I feel silly asking you this, you probably get hit up by like fifty guys a day, I know you’re out of my league, and there’s no shot you’ll ever respond to this, but I just wanted to say, this is so stupid, you’re probably showing this to all your friends right now and laughing, my god, I am just not cut out for this… *sigh*… how was your day?
• Tell me about the biggest trauma in your life, give me your address, leave the door unlocked, I’ll be there in fifteen.
• I took a girl out on a date the other night and I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere sexually, you know, because I was out of chloroform and rags.
• You have the nicest syntax I've ever seen.
  
• How ‘bout this Crimea and Russia situation? You know what else is a Crimea? That you and I aren’t getting a drink right now.
• The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of: 1. a date, 2.his wife, 3. a better looking and richer male friend.
• Just got a haircut without running it by my mom. NBD.
• The other night I went out on a date with a guy who said he didn't like girls who were fragile or vulnerable… so I stabbed him.
• Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.
• Now what's on the menu? Me-n-u
• You're so beautiful that last night you made me forget my pickup line.
• Just enrolled for health insurance via Obamacare. Says it covers my dependents too. Any interest in filling that opening?
• Are you a singularity? Not only are you attractive, but the closer I get to you, the faster time seems to slip by.
• I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
• Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe
  
• Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.
• -and trust me, that’s being generous. Hold on I have a call on the other line. Hello?
• My computer dating bureau came up with a perfect gentleman; still, I've got another three goes.
• I would hate it if you met an untimely demise prior to our first date…
• I used to be afraid of relationships; someone would ask me out and I'd say, 'Just take my purse, don't hurt me!'
• Hey cutie. You look like my step-sister… I’ve always had a crush on her.
• Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.
• I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number… she looked great going down the stairs.
• If I freeze, it's not a computer virus. I was just stunned by your beauty.
• FYI: I like being big spoon. But I’ve been known to do some little spoon, hehe. I’m also a fantastic fork. Ugh, I’m out of forks right now. It’s so annoying because I don’t own a dishwasher. Technically I do, but it’s such a piece of shit. It doesn’t work. What were we talking about?
• Excuse me? Do you work at Little Ceasars? Cuz Ur Hot And I'm Ready.
• Hey, tits. One time I threw a football so hard, I almost dropped my whiskey, but I was able to catch it with my elephant trunk of a penis.
• My beard is growing its own beard.
• Do you love me because I am beautiful or I am I beautiful because you love me?
• I can do some things now that I couldn't do when I was 17, like date high school girls.
• I need more than 140 characters to tell you how beautiful you are.
• The major concrete achievement of the women's movement in the 1970s was the Dutch treat.
• I’m not much of a political guy, but I just had to let you know that after going through your pics, I’m rocking a pretty hard John Boehner.
• I like being married for two reasons: 1) I got really tired of dating, and 2) I got really tired of exercising.
  
• Can’t believe we matched together. You’re so pretty, and physically speaking, I am simply hideous. I was cast to play the Hunchback in my school play, and we weren’t even doing The Hunchback of Notre Dame. It was for The Lion King. They added a hunchback just for me. Anyway, how are you?
• I like to date school teachers; if you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
• Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
• I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.
• Guess who’s no longer on his parents cell phone bill…?
• Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? You must be because you are BeAuTi-ful.
• To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent; she can't wait to disprove it.
• Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're so-da-licious
• Standard rules dictate that you shouldn’t talk about politics or religion on a first date… I won Student Council President in seventh grade, same year that I had my Bar Mitzvah. I don’t play by the rules…
• Babe, your cuter than a puppy at an animal shelter, Cuz i want to take you home!
• You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall... is in love with me.
• Hey there, pretty lady. What should we order for breakfast the morning after our date? KEEP IN MIND, I AM GLUTEN INTOLERANT AND ALLERGIC TO NUTS.
• Just sitting here drinking a beer and watching the game. Also, checking out an adult film on my laptop and calling my friend derogatory names. Impressed?
  
• I broke up with this girl… I can't tell you her real name, of course, because well, she didn't tell me her real name.
• Ed, have you noticed that the older you get, the younger your girlfriends get? Soon you’ll be dating sperm.
• Just wanted you to know that it doesn’t matter why you’re annoyed with your roommate right now, I agree with you 100% and am here for you.
• Have you ever been dating anyone, and you think they're normal, and all of the sudden, they start freaking out on you?… yelling, 'Untie me!'
• A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick; a youth with his first girl makes other people sick.
• Your bedroom is such a mess…
• I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around, and I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.
• If you treat a girl like a dog, she’s going to piss on you.
• I think I love you more than I’ve ever loved myself.
• Ugh, my personal chef made lobster steaks again. It’s like, how ‘bout a little variety, you piece of shit!?
• Hilary Clinton really seems like she’s positioning herself to take a run at president in 2016. I’d like to position my groin to take a run at you.
• Employees make the best dates; you don’t have to pick them up and they’re always tax-deductible.
• Do you know how to play pool? If not, I could seductively come up behind you and teach you. Full Disclosure: I’ve never actually played pool.
• What’s the point of having a partner when we all die alone? But, I guess, if there’s anyone I’d be okay with wasting away the rest of my life with, it’d be you.
• Congratulations! Thank you for enrolling in a relationship with (your name). To continue receiving these messages, reply ‘HEY’. To unsubscribe, reply ‘FUCK OFF’.
• You know how embarrassing it is to walk with a girl on a first date and see somebody with the same shirt as you on and they homeless?
• Sometimes I question why God allows bad things to happen to good people. For example, how have we never gone on a date?
• How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
  
• When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.
• Sometimes I feel like I could go missing for weeks before anyone even noticed. I’d definitely notice if you went missing, on account of your nice boobs.
• Hi, I'm writing a phone book, can I have your number?
• I've dated men my age, younger than me and older and the only difference is the young ones are quicker at taking out the garbage.
• Need help with a big decision should my new yacht have a helipad OR a tennis court sized hot tub OR an aboveground wine cellar filled with gold?
• My fiancé and I are having a little disagreement; what I want is a big church wedding with bridesmaids and flowers and a no-expense-spared reception; what he wants is to break off our engagement.
• A man who was loved by 300 women singled me out to live with him… Why? … I was the only one without a cat.
• I don’t give a holy hell what Oprah says, I refuse to acknowledge Wiccans as a political party.
• I'm sorry I wasn't part of your past, can I make it up by being in your future?
• Ya know what the difference is between you and an angel? I’ve never masturbated to a picture of an angel.
• We would’ve made such a good couple. Real shame…
• After looking at your pictures, my pants feel like Syria—a lot of unrest.
• Guys I’ve been meeting have the worst pickup lines, like: “Hey, what’s your friend’s name?”
• I’d like to start a family, but you have to have a date first.
• I'm dating again, which is very exciting… 'cause I'm married.
• We both know where this is heading. Let’s cut to the chase—call me an insensitive, self-involved, immature asshole and break up with me.
• I just hope she doesn't start before I go in the Hall of Fame. That way, I won't have to kill anybody before I get inducted.
• Are we simply romantically challenged… or are we sluts.
• If you had to commit genocide, what race of people would you do it to and why?
• So exhausted. Been playing with my nephew and his new puppy in a flower patch all day while helping to feed the homeless.
  
• If the technology existed, do you think it would be ethical for scientists to clone you? And if so, do you think your clone would be down for a threesome? Bring it up to her casually.
• Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.
• If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.
• The best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one!
• I curse in front of my parents… what the fuck are they gonna do about it?
• My heart’s breaking over these bloody insurgencies around the world. I just wish there was more I could do, ya know? Do you like making out?
• I love my mom, and my grandma, and my sister. I pretty much love and respect all women. Except for my Aunt Janice, she’s a dumb bitch.
• You give me Epsilon, I give you Delta. Together, we find limits.