Here are some great quotes for you to enjoy.

List of quotes to use from shows and movies

I love coming up with cheesy quotes from shows and movies to put in cards and emails. Life goes so quick but it is still a good idea to put together a nice quotes list. Here are some One Liners About Life items I have now:

• Learn from your parents’ mistakes; use birth control.
• I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
• Feeling pretty proud of myself. The puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months.
• If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
• The problem isn't that obesity runs in your family. The problem is no one runs in your family.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
• Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.
  
• Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
• We have enough youth. How about a Fountain of Smart?
• Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
• I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, 'Well, that's not going to happen.'
• My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
• Jealousy and envy are deadly to the mind.
• I have all the money I'll ever need—if I die by 3:00 p.m. this afternoon.
• It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• Whenever an individual or a business decides that success has been attained, progress stops.
• A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.” Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
• Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
• At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
• Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you critizise them you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
• Every man/woman should marry; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
• A positive attitude may not solve all your problems. But it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
• Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
• My math teacher called me average. How mean!
• I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
  
• Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
• I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
• Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
• Always be sincere, even if you don’t mean it.
• Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
• I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
• My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.
• My job is secure. No one else wants it.
• Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone!
• You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
• They lived happily until they got married.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they open their mouths.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• Books are not men and yet they stay alive.
• Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, always remember… The fire department usually uses water.
• I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.
• Letting go of a loved one can be hard. But sometimes, it's the only way to survive a rock climbing catastrophe.
• Making a bad decision is better than making no decision at all.
• That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is act natural, you're innocent.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
  
• Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, Where the heck is the ceiling!
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but checks when you say the paint is wet?
• A TV can insult your intelligence. But nothing rubs it in like a computer.
• No good deed goes unpunished.
• Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
• Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
• Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish, and you saved yourself a fish, haven't you?
• Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
• Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
• Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
• Worrying works! More than 90 percent of the things I worry about never happen.
• Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.
• I don't have a girlfriend. But I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that.
• I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus, a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.
• When climbing the ladder of success, don’t let boys look up your skirt!
  
• Isn't it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust.
• An unmarried man has no buttons on his shirt. A married man has no shirt.
• My first experience with culture shock? Probably when I peed on an electric fence.
• My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
• Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope.
• I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.
• Why did you hit your husband with a chair” I couldn’t lift the table.”
• Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
• We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
• A computer once beat me at chess. But it was no match for me at kickboxing.
• Infants have their infancy; adults, adultery.
• Behind every successful man, there is a woman; behind every unsuccessful man, there are two!
• The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything goes wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.
• When I lose the TV controller, it's always hidden in some remote destination.
• Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.” Cindy Gerard, To the Limit
• It's never a good idea to keep both feet firmly on the ground. You'll have trouble putting on your pants.
  
• Has there been any insanity in your family” Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he’s the boss.”
• It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look!!!
• It is a wise child that knows his own father.
• This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
• I don't have a beer gut. I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
• Whoever angers you, conquers you.” Elizabeth Kenny
• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
• Change is inevitable—except from a vending machine.
• Life's like a bird. It's pretty cute until it poops on your head.
• I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to the others.
• Memory is what tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday.
• I'm skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day. That's a bit of a stretch.
• Never miss a good chance to shut up.
• I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
• Money can't buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal!
• If Walmart is lowering prices every day, why isn't anything in the store free yet?
• Be generous to those who need your help.
  
• Seven days without laughter makes one weak.
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
• The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
• What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time…' A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this…'
• Women should not have children after 35. Really, 35 children are enough.
• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
• You are such a good friend that, if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket, I'd miss you so much and talk about you fondly to everybody who asked.
• It’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness.
• I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
• Money talks. But all mine ever says is goodbye.
• There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.